Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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