So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
