U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
