Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
