You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
