This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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