hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
