chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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