I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
