worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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