I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
