Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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