Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
