I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
