that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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