ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
