Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
