oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
