she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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