I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
