Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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