You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
