I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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