I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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