Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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