Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
