i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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