woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
