They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
