I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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