If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
