oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
