my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
