take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
