Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
