I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
