Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
