So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
