Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
