His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
