kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
