My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
