Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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