i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
