I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
