So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
