i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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