I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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