two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
