Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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