Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
