i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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