What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
