Umm I'm too high to move.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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